Coping With Cancer and How Loved Ones Can Help

Cancer is one of the most deeply unsettling challenges we can encounter. About 1 in 5 people will develop cancer. When cancer touches us personally, it can shake us to our core. Fortunately, there are steps we can take to support our well-being when exploring how to cope with a cancer diagnosis.  

What are effective ways to cope with cancer? 

What’s most effective varies from person to person and is often influenced by our culture, life situation, and personality. Still, research shows that some coping strategies are more helpful than others when experiencing cancer. The following strategies can promote emotional and physical well-being while coping with a cancer diagnosis.

• Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Identify and express painful feelings to lower their intensity, and use the information your emotions provide. For example, anger can indicate a need to self-advocate. Or, sadness may reflect a need for support. Processing emotions is often most helpful when we’re feeling supported and not too overwhelmed.
• Consider the entirety of the situation. Reflect on whether you’ve been avoiding learning about your illness, and try to address the full reality of your situation. Ask specific questions about your condition and available treatments. Review only trusted sources when doing your research. 
• Take an active role in your diagnosis. Choose to believe that you can make a difference in your cancer experience. Start by developing a coping plan, based on the information in this article and what you’ve done in the past. Explore other ways to promote wellness, like managing stress, eating nutritious foods, and moving your body. 
• Accept support. Ask yourself what types of support would be most helpful for you, and then ask others for help. If you’re concerned about burdening others or appearing “weak,” know that most people are willing and able to help and that accepting support requires strength. Mental health professionals can also offer valuable resources. 
• Nurture hope, joy, and a positive self-image. Try to adopt an optimistic attitude, and seek joy through fun activities and laughter. Strengthen your self-image by taking pride in your coping skills, appreciating the support you’ve received, and maintaining typical activities as best you can. Remember that illness doesn’t define you.
• Find positive meaning in your journey. While coping with cancer poses significant challenges, it may also present opportunities for growth. Use this time to reflect on your values, prioritize relationships, and care for yourself. Lean into opportunities to spend time with loved ones, show appreciation, and be kind to yourself. 
• Explore religious or spiritual nourishment. If it resonates with you, find comfort in your religious or spiritual beliefs through meditation, ritual, or connecting with others in your faith community. Spiritual comfort can also come from nature, poetry, music, and other sources of inspiration.

How to support loved ones and co-workers coping with cancer

Supportive relationships can improve a cancer survivor’s adjustment, outlook, and quality of life. Consider the following ideas for supporting someone dealing with cancer:

• Stay connected. Maintain the same closeness you had in your relationship prior to the diagnosis. Continue to include loved ones in activities and continue to talk about the topics you usually do. Show them they’re important to you through regular phone calls, texts, or visits. Keep connections brief if their energy is low.  
• Offer practical help. Volunteer with regular tasks. Consider committing to a weekly routine, like bringing a meal, watering plants, babysitting, providing transportation, or picking up groceries. If you’re a co-worker, offer to take on one of their job responsibilities (just be sure to get their permission before doing so).
• Provide emotional support. Ask how they’re doing, allow them to share, and just listen. Avoid giving advice, sharing stories about cancer, and telling them to “be strong” or that “everything will be OK.” If you’re unsure what to say, try “I don’t know what to say, I’m here to listen though,” or “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
• Be consistent in your support. Continue to check in throughout their journey, including after treatment ends. If they decline help or seem less engaged, don’t take it personally. Keep showing up, and remember that your support matters.