Emotional Regulation: Practical Tips for Tough Emotions

Everyone struggles to manage their feelings sometimes. Whether it’s frustration, sadness, or anxiety, learning emotional regulation helps you handle challenges with confidence. Therapy and mental health coaching can teach us how to regulate emotions through life’s ups and downs.

What is emotional regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage the intensity of your emotions in a healthy way. It’s responding thoughtfully in the moment, rather than reacting impulsively. Imagine you’re stuck in traffic and running late, for example. Without emotional regulation skills, you might feel overwhelmed or frustrated. But with healthy emotional regulation, you can notice what’s happening mentally and emotionally, and focus on arriving at your destination safely. You might even reframe the experience; you could take a few deep breaths, think through the situation, practice acceptance, and use the time to listen to a favorite podcast or call a friend.

Why is emotional regulation important?

Emotions are with us in everything we do and affect most parts of our lives. From personal relationships to professional settings, our emotions provide a guide for what we value as important to us and our overall well-being. Managing emotions well helps us stay composed, make better decisions, have healthier relationships, and live our lives as authentically as possible.

For example, like most parents, at times I feel overwhelmed by my children’s behavior. When I’m able to regulate my emotions, I can respond calmly rather than reacting out of frustration. I can think through the long-term impact of getting upset at my kids for spilled milk and remember that sometimes accidents happen. This makes for a more peaceful home and sets a positive example for my children that it’s OK to be imperfect.

Emotional regulation is also valuable in the workplace. During stressful situations at work, pausing to think before responding helps you communicate more effectively. Rather than reacting impulsively and potentially damaging your professional relationships, you can address issues thoughtfully and build workplace relationships that feel safe to share feedback constructively.

Emotional regulation skills support better physical health, too. Managing stress and intense emotions reduces the risk of anxiety and depression and can lower your chances of stress-related physical conditions like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and digestive problems. In other words, our body will manifest what we feel.

What contributes to poor emotional regulation?

Having a tough time managing emotions often starts in childhood. If you grew up with constant stress, conflict in the home, or trauma, you may not have had the opportunity or modeling on how to regulate emotions. Our childhood experiences affect the way we navigate the world. Your caregivers may not have had the ability, or even the mental bandwidth, to manage their own emotions. They may have been focused on other factors such as safety or meeting basic needs rather than learning how to manage emotions in a healthy way.

Other times, you may just lack knowledge or practice on how to handle your emotions. Instead, you might have developed survival skills instead of developing emotional regulation techniques. Stress of all kinds, including chronic stress, affects the brain and can make emotional responses more intense and harder to manage. 

The most important thing to know is that everyone can learn emotional regulation strategies, and with practice, these skills can significantly improve your ability to handle challenges.

10 ways to build emotional regulation skills

Emotional regulation techniques are essential for maintaining balance and well-being in our daily lives. Here are some practical strategies for managing emotions more effectively.

#1 Notice what you feel

Tune into your body and notice your emotions as well as the physical sensations that come with them. For example, if you’re anxious, you might start feeling warmer, experience racing thoughts, or feel nauseated. Recognizing these physical cues can help you identify your emotional state.

#2 Name what you feel

Once you’ve noticed your emotions, name them. By identifying how you feel, whether it’s anxiety, anger, or sadness, you can better understand how to regulate your emotions in that situation.

#3 Accept the emotion

Many people think of feelings in black-and-white terms: Emotions like anger, sadness, or fear are bad while emotions like happiness or contentment are good. Emotions are not good or bad; they’re simply information that gives us insights into what matters to us and our needs. Accepting our emotions doesn’t mean we have to like them. It means that we accept them as they are without judgment.

#4 Remember this will pass

Emotions aren’t forever. Just as positive experiences come and go, so do negative ones. Joy, grief, excitement, and disappointment are all fleeting—accepting this can prevent us from getting stuck in our feelings. 

#5 Challenge thoughts and stories

Our thoughts can sometimes spiral into catastrophic thinking. You might think, “I’m going to be late to work, and if I’m late, I’ll get written up. If I get written up, I’ll get fired, and if I get fired, I won’t make my mortgage payment.” Challenge these types of thoughts by asking yourself the likelihood of a worst-case scenario. Just because something is possible doesn’t mean it’s probable.

#6 Ground yourself

Grounding techniques are tools for staying in the moment. To ground yourself, pay attention to your senses. What do you see, hear, smell, taste, or feel right now? Try grounding yourself by observing what is in your immediate environment. What objects can you name in the room? What colors are they? You can also ground yourself by using your breath as a tool. Take slow, deep breaths in with long exhales out to calm your nervous system and bring you back to the present moment. 

#7 Know your triggers

Pay attention to situations where you feel a sudden shift in mood or become more irritable, whether during high-stress moments, in noisy environments, or even during downtime at home. Noticing when certain situations, people, or settings cause a shift in your mood allows you to prepare for and manage your reactions better.

#8 Take a break

Sometimes the best emotional regulation technique is to step back. Taking a break can help you regain composure and reassess your current stressors. It’s important to check in with yourself and ensure all of your own needs are being met. Have you eaten? Did you sleep well last night? Tune in to what you need and then do your best to give yourself that. Whether it’s a short walk, a mental health day, or simply stepping outside for some fresh air, make time for yourself.

#9 Be kind to yourself

It’s not possible to always feel calm and regulated. Allow yourself to be human by acknowledging that everyone hits their limit at times. Remind yourself that each challenge offers a new opportunity to progress and strengthen your emotional regulation skills.

#10 Talk to a mental health pro

Therapy and mental health coaching provide a supportive space to develop emotional regulation strategies. Mental health professionals offer a safe container for your emotions, allowing you to freely express them without fear of judgment. Over time, the confidence and understanding you gain in therapy or coaching, such as learning it’s OK to feel sad or angry and how to regulate emotions, can improve your relationship with yourself and others.

How to control your emotions at work

Emotional regulation at work can feel different from managing feelings in your personal life. You have to balance professionalism with expressing your feelings. Learning how to regulate emotions at work helps you navigate tricky situations, stay productive, and contribute to a positive environment. 

Here are a few emotional regulation strategies for work:

#1 Receive feedback gracefully

Consider your workplace dynamics. For example, bosses are authority figures and we often relate to them as we did childhood authority figures. Feedback from a boss may trigger memories of critical feedback from a parent or teacher, causing knee-jerk reactions. Instead of getting defensive, use grounding techniques to get back to the present moment. Ask yourself, “How can I take this feedback constructively?” And if you disagree, “How can I separate the past from the present and share my perspective in a constructive way?”

#2 Know your limits

Understanding your own capacity and setting realistic expectations and boundaries is huge. Overextending yourself can lead to burnout, self-judgment, and less productivity. Have open conversations about expectations and deadlines. Sometimes it’s reasonable to be flexible with your boundaries, but other times you need to be firm. For instance, if you can’t meet a deadline, communicate what you can realistically deliver and when. 

#3 Practice self-care

Taking care of your emotional well-being is as important as managing your workload. In high-stress environments, taking care of yourself becomes even more critical. Make sure you’re giving yourself what you need to avoid burnout and maintain your mental health.This includes taking breaks, seeking support when needed, and making time for activities that help you relax and recharge.

Build emotional regulation skills for a better life

Remember that you’re important, and your thoughts and feelings matter. Learning emotional regulation skills is a proactive step in caring for yourself. Valuing and nurturing your emotional health can help you feel more confident and live an authentic, fulfilling life.