How to Build Trust in a Relationship

Trust is the foundation upon which intimacy and connection thrive. Knowing how to build trust in a relationship means learning ways to interact that cultivate respect and fulfillment. Trust can sometimes be fragile, but it can be built or rebuilt through effort and commitment. By understanding how to build trust in a relationship, you can create lasting security and emotional connection between you and your romantic partner.

What is trust in a relationship?

When there’s trust in your relationship, you feel confident in your partner’s words and actions. You know they’ll be there for you when you need them and you believe they have your best interests at heart.

Learning how to trust your partner can be affected by past experiences with loved ones and your attachment styles to parents and caregivers. Situational factors and cultural backgrounds also play a role, influencing the way we trust in different contexts. Regardless of past challenges, learning how to build trust in a relationship is possible.

Why trust in a relationship matters

Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s what provides a sense of security and confidence in each other. Without trust, doubts can creep in, leading to stress and tension. You may constantly question your partner’s whereabouts or motives, which can strain your connection and cause resentment.

Trust allows you to feel safe and supported, and connect more deeply, paving the way for a strong, lasting relationship. Relationships are worth working on because ultimately, they’re what matters most in our lives and research backs it up. The longest study on happiness revealed that close relationships and social connections are crucial for our well-being as we age. Robust social connections enhance our emotional well-being and are linked with lower rates of chronic conditions like diabetes, arthritis, and cognitive decline. Whether it’s believing in your partner’s loyalty or relying on their support during tough times, knowing how to build trust in a relationship is essential for honesty, reliability, and respect.

Signs of trust in a relationship

Trust looks different to different people. Some common signs of trust in relationships:

• Autonomy – Freedom to pursue your interests and activities without feeling constrained by rules or expectations
• Open communication and transparency – Sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences and avoiding secrecy or withholding information
• Consistency – Fulfilling commitments and demonstrating reliability over time
• Vulnerability – Feeling safe to express emotions without fear of judgment or rejection

Effects of lack of trust in a relationship

When partners don’t know how to develop trust in a relationship or have experienced broken trust, there are often communication breakdowns, insecurity, and a lack of intimacy that can jeopardize the relationship. Here are some common effects of mistrust in relationships.

• Doubts and suspicions about your partner’s actions or intentions make it difficult to feel at ease or focus on other aspects of your life.
• You attempt to monitor or control your partner’s behavior with restrictions or regulations  to manage uncertainty and regain a sense of control and security, which can create feelings of suffocation and resentment from your partner.
• Intimacy suffers because vulnerability feels unsafe.
• Arguments become more frequent as distrust fuels misunderstandings and conflicts.
• There’s tension and pressure within the relationship and individually.
• You feel trapped or confined within the relationship and unable to express yourself freely.
• You feel your relationship is emotionally or physically unsafe.
• You withhold thoughts, feelings, or experiences from your partner for fear of judgment or betrayal.

9 Tips to Improve trust in a relationship

So, how do you build trust in a relationship? It requires effort and commitment from both partners. Here are some practical steps you can take to improve trust and strengthen your bond:

#1 Communicate openly

Make your relationship a safe space where both you and your partner feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of judgment. For example, schedule regular “check-in” sessions where you can discuss any issues openly, or if you’re having an argument, discuss your concerns with your partner and give them the space and time to voice theirs.

#2 Be consistent

Make sure your words and actions align by following through on promises and commitments. For example, if you tell your partner you’ll call them if you’re going to work late, make sure you do that. This consistency reinforces trust and strengthens your bond over time.

#3 Show empathy and understanding

Try to see things from your partner’s point of view and be a good listener. Imagine your partner had a rough day at work and is feeling overwhelmed. Instead of downplaying their feelings or trying to “fix it,” actively listen to their concerns, validate their emotions, and offer support.

#4 Respect boundaries

Honor your partner’s autonomy and individuality so they feel safe and secure within the relationship. For example, if your partner is uncomfortable with certain topics or has personal space boundaries, respect their wishes by avoiding those topics or giving them the space they need. You should expect the same from your partner.

#5 Be mindful of commitments and communication

To build trust in relationships, make sure you can follow through when you make a commitment. Avoid saying things just to please your partner if you’re unsure about your ability to fulfill them. For example, if you and your partner are planning a weekend getaway and you promise to handle all the arrangements only to later realize work commitments might interfere; instead of brushing it off, discuss your availability with your partner and come up with a solution.

#6 Show appreciation and affection

Show gratitude for your partner’s efforts and positive qualities. Focus on the positives and regularly express your appreciation for their contributions to the relationship. For instance, thank them for their support after an especially tough day. Express affection regularly through small gestures of kindness and compliments. Actively listen to your partner’s stories and interests, showing genuine interest and appreciation for their experiences.

#7 Prioritize the relationship

Make your relationship a priority by investing time and effort into nurturing it. Regular check-ins, discussions, and collaboration on finding solutions together are essential. Making your relationship a priority can mean setting aside time for regular date nights, heartfelt conversations, and working together to solve a problem.

#8 Build trust with behaviors

Stay mindful of your actions and their impact on your partner’s trust. Avoid behaviors that undermine trust, such as dishonesty or secrecy. Be honest about your whereabouts and activities, which reassures your partner of your commitment and integrity and creates a foundation of transparency.

#9 Grow together

Invest in personal and relational growth by trying new experiences together or participating in activities you both enjoy. Prioritize growth both as individuals and as a couple. Consider couples therapy—research shows it can improve relationships by as much as 70%. Couples counseling isn’t just for crises. It helps partners sort through everyday challenges and learn effective ways to communicate so issues don’t escalate.

Rebuilding trust in relationships

It’s tough to know how to increase trust in a relationship after dishonesty or betrayal, but it is possible. Here are some ideas for how to improve trust in a relationship:

• Acknowledge the breach honestly and openly. Take responsibility for your actions and their impact on your partner. Avoid making excuses or deflecting blame.
• Offer a genuine apology to your partner, expressing remorse for any pain or hurt you’ve caused. Acknowledge the specific ways you’ve violated their trust and demonstrate a sincere commitment to making amends.
• Be willing to answer your partner’s questions honestly and provide reassurance through your actions.
• Allow your partner time and space to process their emotions and heal from the betrayal. Similarly, practice self-compassion and forgiveness for yourself as you work towards rebuilding trust together.
• Seek help from a mental health professional to help you and your partner address difficult topics in a safe, nonjudgmental space.

Ready to strengthen your relationship?

Building trust in relationships isn’t a one-time thing; it requires commitment, patience, and empathy. And it’s a journey that’s worth it because every step forward, no matter how small, builds resilience and strengthens your bond.